Hullo again. I suppose it's been awhile. I don't even know when the last time I updated was. That probably means it's been too long, huh? Any who, here's today's thought process. Enjoy.
Thought of the Moment:
So I've been thinking a bit lately (shocking I know). Thought process recently is really just a fleshing out of things I mentioned last blog (I just checked, it was about week ago, SCORE!) In any case, I'm slowly coming to the realization that I will be graduating in a couple years. (What the hell happened to my childhood, and how do I get it back?)
I have a general idea of what and who I want to be when I'm all growed up, but how do you get to that point? I try to be a decent person (and for the most part succeed) so Jesus/God/Buddha/Allah/whatever you believe in shouldn't hate me too much.
But its the other part I'm concerned about. The good news is that the gaming industry is booming, and shows no signs of slowing down in the near future. That should mean that someone, somewhere will need an expendable peon, and I'm more than willing to be that peon.
The bad news is that the specific sector of the industry isn't doing so hot. Magazines in general are dropping like flies, not to mention gaming mags. They're pretty much holding on by a thread, only a few of them are left.
Good news part two is that I'm not delusional enough to believe that I'll actually write for a print magazine. Even better news, is that there will always be a need for the press, so I'll hopefully be able to write for some online mag one day.
All I really know, is that all anyone can do is try. I've got these dreams right now, and I'm running at them full force. No holds barred. I'm gonna run and there is no looking back. No time for hesitation.
I guess the point of all this, for people who aren't me, is that no matter what your dream is, all you can do is try. Find something you love, no matter how ridiculous, and go for it. You want to be an Olympic swimmer? Then swim your ass off. Rodeo clown, DJ, writer, model, actress, rapper, whatever. Just do it. Somebody famous and important once said that if you enjoy your work, you'll never work a day in your life. I believe him. Screw the world, screw money, screw expectations. Just do your thing.
Maybe it's because I'm American, maybe it's how I was raised, I don't really know. All I know, is that life's too short to be anything but happy. So fuck you world, I'm going to be a broke ass writer and enjoy every minute of it. I'm going to write, maybe do some PR, play me some video games, and live in a shitty ass apartment 'cause I can't afford anything else. And you know what, I've never been happier about the future.
Quote of the Day:
Embrace your dreams.
-Angeal (final fantasy: crisis core)
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Now playing: Junior Boys - Sneak A Picture
via FoxyTunes
21.4.09
Does Not Compute
Wow, it's been epically long since I last posted. Again, I wasn't really doing anything that prevented me from posting. I just didn't. I should really attempt to keep at this more. In any case, these last few weeks I've been trying to do what I need to. Pay more attention to what I want to do when I 'grow up'. I've been researching the gaming industry in my spare time, following updates, checking out new sites, things like that. Trying to pay attention to different journalistic styles people use and things like that. I'm really hoping it'll be my future someday, and I'm more than willing to work at it. An who, here's a mini-rant. I don't really have to much to talk about lol.
Mini-Rant Get:
So I'm supposed to be doing homework right now. It'd be a really good idea. It's the end of the school year, and as such, there's a lot due in the next few weeks. Of course, I don't want to do any of it. So here I am, blogging about nothing, while time that could be better spent ticks by. I'm not concerned.
That shouldn't be too surprising actually. But really, I'm a massive procrastinator. And I don't think it has the negative effect that most people associate with procrastination. I find I work better in crunch time. I have to think, I can't dilly-dally. I get my work done, and it's quality. I don't understand the complaints about procrastination. Then again, I don't really understand stress yet either. Maybe that's it? My lack of understanding for stress makes procrastination a viable strategy? In any case, I still can't concentrate enough to get these critiques done. Oh well, I'll do them later. Or tomorrow before class.
Quote of the Day:
"Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something."
- Robert Heinlein
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Now playing: 3OH!3 - Starstrukk
via FoxyTunes
Mini-Rant Get:
So I'm supposed to be doing homework right now. It'd be a really good idea. It's the end of the school year, and as such, there's a lot due in the next few weeks. Of course, I don't want to do any of it. So here I am, blogging about nothing, while time that could be better spent ticks by. I'm not concerned.
That shouldn't be too surprising actually. But really, I'm a massive procrastinator. And I don't think it has the negative effect that most people associate with procrastination. I find I work better in crunch time. I have to think, I can't dilly-dally. I get my work done, and it's quality. I don't understand the complaints about procrastination. Then again, I don't really understand stress yet either. Maybe that's it? My lack of understanding for stress makes procrastination a viable strategy? In any case, I still can't concentrate enough to get these critiques done. Oh well, I'll do them later. Or tomorrow before class.
Quote of the Day:
"Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something."
- Robert Heinlein
----------------
Now playing: 3OH!3 - Starstrukk
via FoxyTunes
3.4.09
This isn't easy to admit, but I'm afraid
Yo. Totally failed that week long feature thing. I don't feel bad about it either. So sue me. (please don't I'z a poor fool) In anycase, HvZ wrapped up wendsday night. T'was fun. I got a tag, took me literally all game, but I did lol. Yay me. In any case, this post isn't really HvZ related. It's a bit of whatever I feel like posting, in other words, I'm back to the normal format. Enjoy.
So I've been thinking:
I've come to a realization. I'm massively terrified of the revision process. Like it's kind of ridiculous. And the thing is, I don't normally even realize how terrified I am, until after its all over. Last Wednesday I had a conference with my creative writing teacher. I honestly had no idea how terrified I was of that meeting until after it was over. I found myself short of breath. It's ridiculous really. That one little meeting, five, ten minutes tops, had my breathing more irregular than all the physical activity HvZ had made me do. And I can't really say I don't know why.
Maybe it's just me, but I think there's a few things I've come to understand about writers. Again, maybe it's not writers as a whole, maybe it's just me. But all the same, it's truth.
As a writer, you bare your heart and soul. That once blank sheet of paper is now full of your thoughts and feelings. Your dreams and aspirations. And just when you think you've perfected them all, just when you've gotten all those feelings out, you have to share it. Share it with other people, other writers, all of whom are just like you. For all writers are essentially the same. They all have the same societal issues, all have the same god complex. A god complex that rivals, if not surpasses, that of a scientist. For a scientist seeks to understand the world around them, all of its complexities and patterns, the way it moves, the way it works. But a writer, a writer forgoes all these facts, these observations, and creates a world of his own. A world that would not, cannot exist without them. For a writer, he is the god of his world. He creates, he destroys, all on a whim. Decides who lives and who dies. If that's not the worlds biggest god complex, I don't know what is. But unlike god, writers have egos. Precarious little things. A writer bears his soul, creates whole worlds, worlds where he reigns supreme, and then, subjects his world, his soul to the thoughts of others. Of others with god complexes, of other perfectionists, to the critique of other pretentious assholes just like himself, and this process, this is critique. You bear your heart and soul, and meticulously revise and edit, and then, then all your hard work is thrown to the dogs. They rip and tear up your little world, your soul, and spit it back at you. What's left is small hunks of sentences, flowing analogies torn up, your beautiful words beaten and left for dead, replaced with idea concepts, all of which have nothing to do with your original thoughts. Why would anyone submit their very soul, to this kind of suffering? We do it because it's the only way we improve, the only way our worlds grow, change, and become even more beautiful than the original thought.
Maybe all of this is why I'm so scared of even thinking of signing up for Eng407 next semester. I'm terrified of 307 as it is already. I don't know how well I'd do. My writing is one of the few things I end up self conscious about, and I've learned, I don't do so well in that regards. I hate being nervous and unsure. Doesn't help any that I'm in a class full of great writers who seem to poop excellence. Curse my fragile little human ego, and my slight god complex. Of course, 'slight' in this context means a horrible merger between the god complexes of both scientists and writers. I want to know how it works, why it works, and then say fuck you rules of nature, I do what I want!
Quote of the Day:
"The road to hell is paved with adverbs."
-Stephen King
----------------
Now playing: Celldweller - So Sorry to Say
via FoxyTunes
So I've been thinking:
I've come to a realization. I'm massively terrified of the revision process. Like it's kind of ridiculous. And the thing is, I don't normally even realize how terrified I am, until after its all over. Last Wednesday I had a conference with my creative writing teacher. I honestly had no idea how terrified I was of that meeting until after it was over. I found myself short of breath. It's ridiculous really. That one little meeting, five, ten minutes tops, had my breathing more irregular than all the physical activity HvZ had made me do. And I can't really say I don't know why.
Maybe it's just me, but I think there's a few things I've come to understand about writers. Again, maybe it's not writers as a whole, maybe it's just me. But all the same, it's truth.
As a writer, you bare your heart and soul. That once blank sheet of paper is now full of your thoughts and feelings. Your dreams and aspirations. And just when you think you've perfected them all, just when you've gotten all those feelings out, you have to share it. Share it with other people, other writers, all of whom are just like you. For all writers are essentially the same. They all have the same societal issues, all have the same god complex. A god complex that rivals, if not surpasses, that of a scientist. For a scientist seeks to understand the world around them, all of its complexities and patterns, the way it moves, the way it works. But a writer, a writer forgoes all these facts, these observations, and creates a world of his own. A world that would not, cannot exist without them. For a writer, he is the god of his world. He creates, he destroys, all on a whim. Decides who lives and who dies. If that's not the worlds biggest god complex, I don't know what is. But unlike god, writers have egos. Precarious little things. A writer bears his soul, creates whole worlds, worlds where he reigns supreme, and then, subjects his world, his soul to the thoughts of others. Of others with god complexes, of other perfectionists, to the critique of other pretentious assholes just like himself, and this process, this is critique. You bear your heart and soul, and meticulously revise and edit, and then, then all your hard work is thrown to the dogs. They rip and tear up your little world, your soul, and spit it back at you. What's left is small hunks of sentences, flowing analogies torn up, your beautiful words beaten and left for dead, replaced with idea concepts, all of which have nothing to do with your original thoughts. Why would anyone submit their very soul, to this kind of suffering? We do it because it's the only way we improve, the only way our worlds grow, change, and become even more beautiful than the original thought.
Maybe all of this is why I'm so scared of even thinking of signing up for Eng407 next semester. I'm terrified of 307 as it is already. I don't know how well I'd do. My writing is one of the few things I end up self conscious about, and I've learned, I don't do so well in that regards. I hate being nervous and unsure. Doesn't help any that I'm in a class full of great writers who seem to poop excellence. Curse my fragile little human ego, and my slight god complex. Of course, 'slight' in this context means a horrible merger between the god complexes of both scientists and writers. I want to know how it works, why it works, and then say fuck you rules of nature, I do what I want!
Quote of the Day:
"The road to hell is paved with adverbs."
-Stephen King
----------------
Now playing: Celldweller - So Sorry to Say
via FoxyTunes
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