The Rest Of Your Life (18 of 90)

And here's the last post for today. I'm glad I finally caught up.

Peaked Too Early?:

There are some people in life who seem like they've always known exactly what they want to do with "the rest of their lives". I unfortunately (or is it fortunately, I'm really not sure) have never been one of them.

There are those kids who 10 years ago said they wanted to be a doctor. And guess what, 10 years later they are well on their way to being a doctor. I am that kid who 10 years ago wanted to be a WNBA star. Guess what, 10 years later, I haven't played basketball seriously in 10 years. Five years ago I had a vague idea of being a geneticist. Two years ago I decided that was really fuckin hard and I wanted nothing to do with Biology that didn't involve a passing fancy. Two years ago I decided I'd rather write.

Approximately two months ago I found out that this path will also be really fuckin hard.

I have no intentions of quitting this time.

I wonder if this is how those kids have felt their entire life. Secure in the knowledge that they're working towards something they want to do. On the base scale at least. (at least the kid who wants to be a doctor knows what steps exactly must be taken, and in what order, and who can best help them. Writers... yeah not so much. It's more of a "here's a decent guideline, but if you think of something better feel free to say fuck it and do whatever you damn well please. But it better fuckin work, or it'll suck. Here's a pen, don't fuck it up kid.")

But at the same time I wonder if those kids are missing out. What if they only think that's what they want to do? What if their single mindedness has steered them away from their true calling as a health teacher in Brazil? What if because they always knew what they were doing, they never had the time to be a fuck up like the rest of us? Being a fuck up isn't so bad, you get the chance to test a little bit of everything before settling down with something that you really like. Or you know, the next test in the line.

I don't know if not knowing what I want to do is a good thing or not. I don't know if knowing what you want to do is a good thing or not. I do know that knowing gives you direction. I also know that not knowing gives you options in a weird sort of way. I really know that I've got less than a year to figure out what to do.

Maybe I'll just take a year off and do odd jobs and crazy shit. Maybe I'll be a hobo. Maybe I'll write a commercially successful piece of shit and just laugh my way to the bank for the rest of my life? I have no idea. I think this means I'm back at square one. Oh well.

Quote of the Day:

"I believe in an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out."

- Arthur Hays Sulzberger