And so it begins (83 of 90)

Well, blogger. I'm home.

Home is where the heart is:

A short few hours ago I was romping (well, more like zombie-shuffling) around BSU. I was exhausted and dragging my ass to and from finals. And when the last one was done, it didn't even register. The semester is over. It's over.

I still can't believe I won't be heading back Sunday night. Back to the place I've grown to love. Back to my friends, my second family. I can't believe I won't be back for months. Even as I sit here staring at the boxed up parts of my life. Ever since I got home I've been moving. Changing things around, tearing down posters, unloading boxes. I've been preparing.

My room is coming along nicely. The walls are bare, the TV and xbox are up. My books are scattered around, waiting to replaced on their proper shelves. And I already feel lighter. It's as if a weight is being lifted off of my shoulders. A weight I hadn't known was there. In this house, my childhood was suffocating me. But I can already feel the change. See the shift being reflected in my possessions. And I'm glad I've managed to stay up long enough to start changing things. I'm still exhausted.

But, I miss them already. My second family. It hasn't even been 24 hours since I last saw most of them. But it's a Friday night, and instead of being dragged off for some shenanigan filled adventure, I'm sitting at home, staring at the computer screen that will once again become my best friend. My friendship with my computer has been on the back burner for a while now. And honestly, I didn't miss it. But now I'm home again. Back in a place where I have few friends. Back in the place that I so desperately want to escape for that very reason. My only attachment to Fishers is my family. I don't particularly have HighSchool friends. I don't have any connection to this town any more. I haven't wanted to be here since I started college. Not after my past with people from here.

I'm still mildly terrified of running into a large group of my old friends. The thought of it is not something I relish. I can handle maybe one or two at a time. But a group? I don't know how well I'd manage. Especially when theres no one else to turn to. No one close by anyway. It can be so lonely here. It hasn't fully hit yet, but after 2 summers experience with the feeling, it's only a matter of time before it strikes again.

Quote of the Day:

"Actions lie louder than words."
- Carolyn Wells