Defaulted again [6/90]

Maybe I should just start calling this the 90 in 180 for all the consistency I post with. I'd say I'm sorry for not posting yesterday, but I'm really not. I actually did some writing. It just didn't end up here. Probably won't ever end up here. Just how things go.

Today, as most days before it, I had no idea what I wanted to write about when I sat down to write. I thought about maybe working on my fiction. But then I started thinking about how my fiction has changed over the years. That's funny. I can say years now. Almost sounds like I've been writing for awhile.

But it has changed. When I write now it's more grounded in reality. When I first started writing for myself all those (four) years ago, nothing was real. Nothing was ever real. They were tall tales about zombies and fantasy and magic. And now? It's metafiction. Or the most ordinary situations you can imagine. I love it.

There's something to be said about finding the truth inside menial actions. Why is that woman really at the gym everyday. Why does that man smoke the way he does. What comforts him about the repetitive actions behind his favorite vice. I love the simplicity.

And metafiction. Whenever I can't come up with something I write about writing. I don't know why. I don't even know when that became my default. But writing about writing is a release. It's all feelings and emotion. It's heartfelt and about as raw as I am capable of. I write what I feel. What I think every time I sit down to a blank page. From the gut clenching fear of never being able to produce the words I see so clearly in my head to the empty frustration while I rack my brain for just the right word. The one with the proper definition. The one that says precisely what I want it to say and nothing more. Or everything more. That one word with the correct connotation and denotation. That one word that isn't unnecessarily long or too hard to understand. Sometimes it can even be about someone who feels none of that. About a writer who simply picks up a pen and out pours The Great Gatsby in time for afternoon tea.

I love metafiction. And if I were ever to write a book I should very much hope that it would be about writing. Because then no one could bloody well tell me I'm doing everything wrong.

Quote of the Day:

"It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time."
- Tallulah Bankhead