Apology (73 of 90)

Hello again blogger.

Finished faster tonight:

I should be writing for magazine now that I'm done with English. But I can't. I won't. Both. I'm not sure which. I'm tired. I'm running on about 4 hours of sleep. Not the least I've ever gotten, but not healthy for extended periods of time either. By all means, I should be sleeping.

I finished the paper for tomorrow. Now all I have to do is wake up on time, and study for a quiz. Then write some more. And call some people. And write some more. And find time to eat and sleep. Mostly eat. Sleep is for the weak. And damn, am I weak. I miss sleeping, haha. I'd have gone to sleep without posting if not for exterminating circumstances. The boy will be sad if I disappear on him while he's away.

I did well on my last article. I'm glad. It means that when I inevitably drop the ball and fuck this one up, I'll have the chance to re-do it. I know it's bad to plan for the worst, but really. I do feel like this next article will be the worst. Maybe because I haven't written shit for it yet. Yeah, that's probably a large part of my problem.

I'm worried again. I don't want to drop the ball. I think I surprised him with the last one. Now he has expectations. I hate high expectations, now he's going to want to see more of the same. And I'm not sure if I can knock it out the same as before. Not in the same way at least. I think I can do the same quality of work with the extension added on, but for Thursday? I don't think I can manage it. There's just so much else for me to be thinking about. It won't be like before. I don't want before to be a fluke. I want this next article to come out as (relatively) easy as the last one. I want to keep up the good name I accidentally built for myself. I think it'll crumble a bit though. I'm sorry for that. I shouldn't have let everything build up so much. Now everyone's getting less of what I have to offer. So long story short, I'm sorry Brad. I'm sorry Barb. I'd rather you see the best I have. Instead of the best I can manage at the moment. But the best for the moment is still decent, so that has to count for something, right? Probably not.

Quote of the Day:

"Fortune does not change men, it unmasks them."
- Suzanne Necker