Ego-maniac

Well hullo again. I'll be continuing this streak of updating on time, haha.

I have no idea:

So. Here's how it goes. I might fence in a tournament this weekend. I don't know if I want to. I'm a little weary of the whole situation. Why? I'm not sure. I think it's because I'm still not sure of myself fencing wise.

Which is weird.

I'm a ridiculously confident person. Like, all the time. I hardly ever have bouts of self doubt. It's just not something I really go through. I know my capabilities, I know my limits, I know what I can and can't do. I know that occasionally I can come off as big-headed and egotistical because of it. Which I don't really mind, I'd much rather be confident in myself than have low self esteem or confidence. If I don't believe in myself and my capabilities, no one will.

Leading me back to my little fencing problem. I don't know why I'm so reluctant to actually fence people. Not just goof off at practice and fence people I know. But actually fence people on a competitive level. I think a major part of it is that I'm afraid I'll be terrible. I don't want to suck it up when there's something on the line.

I suffer from dreams of grandeur. I want to be the best. In my head I'm so damn awesome that I win everything on my first try. Of course, that's never how it works out, but I'm starting to believe that it's not such a bad thing. It's the confidence thing again, If I go in thinking I'll be the fucking bee's knees I'll have a better chance at actually being those knees. You know? Everything you do is substantially a mental game.

And if you get your head straight first, that only leaves the physical. I have no idea if my physical game is up to par. None at all. It's probably not. But the only way to know is to try right? My mental game is there and there's hardly any chance of getting inside of it. But the physical aspect. The physically being able to manage the awesomeness I project in my mind, I don't know if I can do it. Maybe I should try anyway. I think I'll try anyway. I'll ask daddy tomorrow. I can't think of a better person to ask.

Only problem is... I should probably figure out right of way before hand if I do go through with this. Oh well. Since when have I let silly little things like rules and everyone being better and more experienced stop me?

Quote of the Day:

"Every man is the architect of his own fortune."

- Sallust